Countdown to Action

[lightweight76]

As the countdown continues to Saturday's much anticipated and much deserved 'Night of Champions' Reunion, I will be recounting the best tales of previous Parbold Night's Out.

Each new official entry will be posted on this thread every evening but, if anyone has their own memories, please feel free to post them here too!

Entry No. 5 - The most inoffensive of crisps...

Step forward Mr. Parbold himself Billy Bristow. As we ended another season of glory, a well deserved drink was being enjoyed in 'The Station' pub in Ormskirk Town Centre. Spirits were high amongst the squad as we settled into our pace and were all in jovial mood. All that is except William Bristow.

As you are all aware, Mr Bristow is an avid Liverpudlian and took exception to a couple of Manchester United fans who were enjoying a quiet drink of their own in said public house.

Now, you might ask yourselves, what was Billy's weapon of choice as he launched a blistering assault on the Mancs? A knife? A hatchet? Maybe a swift right hook to the head?

No, he decided to throw the most inoffensive of crisps...the lowly Quaver at his enemy! Not surprisingly, the Mancs left unhurt and smelling of cheese and Bristow was left proud...and slightly hungry.

More tomorrow from lightweight76 as the countdown continues...

[leightweight76]

No. 4 - I'VE HAD 5!!!

As you are all no doubt aware, Parbold has had it's fair share of foreign superstars. From Hamsa Bouasfa and Gaz the Irish veteran through to Tommy 'Italian Heritage' Good, the list is jam packed with legends. However, this journalist would suggest that Louis Rebello, our Portuguese sensation tops the list.

Many onlookers found this silky skilled winger very easy on the eye as the tortured full backs of the South Lancs Counties Division Three would surely testify. What he also was, unfortunately, was very easy on the spewage after a few scoops.

Picture the scene gentleman (and Dave Noble), the traditional August Bank Holiday Sunday Mathew Street Festival drinkathon has just begun and it is pretty early into the festivities. Jason Healey enters the Gents toilet to break the seal in Revolution to see a mixture of vomit and lanky Portuguese footballer strewn on the canvas.

As our newly appointed gaffer asks him if he was ok and tries to help him to his feet, he was met with the immortal response "I'VE HAD FIVE!!!" Ironically, this number is the amount of chances Jason now needs to score a goal.

Thanks for reading and Number 3 in our countdown to be revealed tomorrow...

[leightweight76]

No 3 - THE TIZZERS

This is a joint award for the soon to be Mr & Mrs Skipper. It would be grossly unfair of me to have one of them in my top 5 (even if it now makes it a top 6, but it's my game and you can all do one) as I am just as scared - if not more so - of Tizzy's better half than the man himself.

Our beloved anger management specialist's tale is unique to this countdown as there was no alcohol involved. Messrs Tyrell, MacFarlane and Bristow decided to appeal against Tizzer's 18th red card (or was it 19th...) of his Parbold career and, just for the fact that their appeal was heard in the hallowed halls of Deepdale and they won deserves a mention in any Cherries list.

His future wife's tale did involve a lot of alcohol and occured again in splendid surroundings, this time at the presentation evening at the JJB Stadium. That never-to-be-forgotten evening was reaching it's climax when the captain went up to receive silverware. On his descent back to his team mates, some mouthy and frankly gobshitey players from a poncy Premier League team (that's right youngsters, I said poncy...try plying your trade on bogs of pitches with no changies or bogs, not like your bowling green surfaces and bladed boots - make me sick etc etc etc) decided to have a pop.

Before any of the men could have a go, up pops Lisa to tell him to, "Sit down you stupid prick!" or words to that effect. The magic moment was caught on camera and history was made.

See you all tomorrow as the number 2 is revealed...

[Birchys hairy ballbag]

Lightweight you are a genius. I can't wait for the next thrilling installment. X

[lightweight76]

Firstly may I say a big thank you and wassap to Birchy's Hairy Ballbag (not for the first time might I add...)

And now, down to business...

No 2 - THE GUS SHOW

Many of you may be shocked that everyones favourite 'Humpty Dumpty' has not yet appeared on the countdown of nights out, well be shocked no more as he rolls in (literally) at number 2.

After the infamous 'Carsley Derby', Gus was enjoying a few scoops in town with ex-Parbold luminaries Ian 'no boots' Jenkins, Dave '7 L's' Mulville and everyones favourite fan/hanger on/puppet/anywhere for a pint Tommy Good.

Now our hero knew full well that he was due at the Hare & Hounds in Maghull for the Parbold Christmas night Out to Blackpool, but this didn't stop him as he frequented a few bars in town to drown his sorrows and ploughed through a few sherbets. Needless to say he turned up at said Maghull drinking den slightly worse for wear.

Without wishing to reveal the identity of lightweight76, he cannot really fill his loyal viewers as to what happened in Blackpool as he has no recollection of the events. What he does know, however, is that Gus turned up from the dead at around 3.15am covered head to toe in mud and proceeded to lumber onto the coach and enjoy the ride home.

Having interviewed Gus before typing this entry, he labelled this night as a 'watershed moment' in his drinking career and vowed never to get this pissed again. This writer is pleased to report that he has indeed kept to this promise (what? Stop sniggering at the back!!!!!!)

Well fans, countdown almost over and the Number One Parbold Night Out tale will be revealed tomorrow afternoon. Which man/drinking machine can relegate Gus into second place???

[rimmer]

Surely it's got to be Dave 'Gay Boy' Noble and his pulling of a girl with the jaw of a Russian Lumberjack? If memory serves, she also wore braces. It was within minutes of Rubelo's "I've had 5" shout.

Nice work David.

[rumour]

I've heard that Duffy was also likened to a famous sports star at former player Adam Gee's birthday party.

Which rich, chiselled jaw footballer could Adam's ma think smug Duffy could look like?

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you............Peter Beardsley.

[lightweight76]

Two great shouts there from rimmer and rumour (if they are your real names...) and both incidents are worthy of a shout in a list as prestigious as this one. Peter Duffy also came close with his turning up for the Blackpool night out with a pair of £110 jeans and finding out he couldn't get in anywhere, buying a £25 pair of kecks from Marksies and throwing the aforementioned jeans into the skip behind the Wetherspoons (which were then worn by tramps).

However, here it is ladels and gentlespoons...

No 1 - MICHAEL ALBERT PEARCE...THE WHITLEY BAY SHOW.

A deserved winner for pubby, as he rolled into Jeff Mac's stag do as a respectable hitman and rolled out a lesser centre forward/midfielder/centre half with demons dancing on his shoulders and his tail between his legs.

The first night was fine as the MacFarlanes, Bristow, Gus and Peter Duffy enjoyed a wild time in Whitley Bay and woke up the next morning awaiting the arrival of Pearce, Norris and Gary.

The reds took in the Liverpool Newcastle game in Shearers Bar, whilst the blues went to Middlesborough and then continued their drinking in Whitley Bay. Where to begin?

1. His behaviour.
2. His slapping/butting of friends and strangers (danger).
3. His leaving the night club at 12 midnight to a shout from Bristow of, "Thank goodness for that..." and also to a deflated, experienced warning from Messrs Norris & MacKenzie of "This aint over..."
4. His triumphant return into a different bar and straightforward removal from said bar.
5. His almost scrap with The Statue.
6. His removal from another bar by a scruff-of-the-neck grab from Big Jay.
7. His threats towards an army commando.

The list is as long as it is impressive. Possibly the greatest moment of the weekend was enjoyed by Austin and Gus as they had the great privilage of entering his hotel room, informing him of his behaviour the previous evening and witnessing his hiding under the duvet covers to undoubted safety.

For all who witnessed this display, they are truely blessed.
To those who didn't........there's always tomorrow.

See you all at 6.30pm in The Carters!!!!

[Pearces jizzy codpiece]

Genius. Lightweight your writing ability is brilliant. You should be a journalist. The pen is mightier than the pork sword. I may try it on with you tomorrow, if you like hard core bum love.

[Another Lightweight]

Impressive work lightweight, have you ever thought of writing a book perhaps ?

Just one of my favourite episode's that didn't quite make your splendid list.

Back in 2001 the vast majority of the Cherries squad embarked on a journey north to the fair city of Edinburgh, for the stag do for the gentle midfielder Andy Law.

The shenenanigans began when the gaffer George proudly held aloft a copy of 'Razzle' at a packed motorway service station store, and shouted to the peverted Dave Noble "is this the wank mag you want ?"

After the obliglatary picture of Jeff's hairy crack within millimetres of the sleeping Noble's face we arrived at our lodgings, a converted church. The current asbo holder/drug addict/ declared bankrupt Gary Quinn was quick to announce his disgust at the situation.

Predictably Quinny was to show his resentment of the Catholic church by snorting copious amounts of "class A". Then at the end of the night when returning to our rooms, we noticed that in the room opposite in which a young couple were staying, a pair of trainers left neatly outside the door. . . .

Quinny whilst showing no emotion quite promplty slashed all of his golden liquid into it.

Another disgraceful smear on Parbold Football Club.

[john12]

As you are all no doubt aware, Parbold has had it's fair share of foreign superstars. From Hamsa Bouasfa and Gaz the Irish veteran through to Tommy 'Italian Heritage' Good, the list is jam packed with legends. However, this journalist would suggest that Louis Rebello, our Portuguese sensation tops the list.

Many onlookers found this silky skilled winger very easy on the eye as the tortured full backs of the South Lancs Counties Division Three would surely testify. What he also was, unfortunately, was very easy on the spewage after a few scoops.

Picture the scene gentleman (and Dave Noble), the traditional August Bank Holiday Sunday Mathew Street Festival drinkathon has just begun and it is pretty early into the festivities. Jason Healey enters the Gents toilet to break the seal in Revolution to see a mixture of vomit and lanky Portuguese footballer strewn on the canvas.