How good are polls?

[ianmac]

As you can tell, I've just discovered how to do polls. They rule!

So who would it be and why....

Mine is obviously Lee Commander, a legend and waterbed extrodinaire!!!!

[rimmer]

My vote went to Gallas, and here's why.

I'd wake up feeling fresh as a daisy and look forward to a pretty sweet day. Firstly, I'd get to slip on the captain's armband (I am genuinely gutted that I never got to do this) but then, and this is the cherry on the cake (nice pun Paul. Thank you) I'd get to complete 90 minutes of light exercise in the form of a Parbold match.

Following this, it'd be the the pub for a swift pint, oh sorry ... forgot ... my missus doesn't let me go to The Stocks for a pint, wonder why that is?

That's right Tiz, I have retired.

But from ripping you there can be no retirement.

[gallas]

Afternoon gents and Rimmer

I voted for myself - no shocks there but here's why......

I wake up every day, feel around down the front of my boxies and hey ho - every single day without fail I find a pair of rather large testicles!

I'm ecstatic each and every day when I find they haven't disappeared or been confiscated by Lisa (substitute this name for the name of your own wife/girlfriend/keeper).

Having these in place means I can do what I want when I want....the simple things in life such as playing for Parbold without fear of nagging or being under pressure to do other things such as....well actually I still don't know what the fuck people do on a sunday that is so precious to them but I digress....

I am astonished to put it mildly that the chained up gimp has the gall to question me going for post match bevvy! but let me have the courtesy to explain even though I really don't need to....I am so fucked after a game and its because I put every ounce of effort into each and every game week after week ( Paul). I am in no state to just relax and chill after a game like the recently retired shit kneed one always used to do (when he had actually turned up for a game obviously!)!

Taking it easy in games where we Paul? Or where you on the BENCH again!!

[rimmer]

Tiz, you truly are worthy of the name 'Gallas'. In a poll which basically asks the question "Who do you most want to be", you voted for yourself

Secondly, let me point out the gaping hole in your story. Centre half is widely recognised as the easiest position on the pitch. If memory serves, in a recent poll on this very forum 100% of the voter (yes, there was only one vote) confirmed the above statement. Therefore, how can you be so tired when

a.) You play a CONFIRMED easy position.

b.) You're given blanket cover in midfield.

I smell a rat.

[gallas]

I voted for myself Paul because I want to win the poll! You see its because......

Some of us are born winners (me) and some are born losers (you).

Some of us have bollocks (me) and some of us do not (you)!

Some of us can spare 3 hours on a sunday (me) and some of us cannot (you)!

Some of us accept being under the thumb (you) and some of us do not (me)!

Some of us can lead the charge to cherry cup glory (me) and some of us meekly accept feeble retirement (you).

[gallas]

PS Paul - To show there are no hard feelings I have directed a couple of short films in your memory! They are based on true stories so I am sure you will be able to relate to them!

[rimmer]

Tizzy, if memory serves (which I believe it does) me and you have an equal number of Parbold medals nicely tucked away, so I fail to see how I am a 'loser' and you are a 'winner'? With Parbold not seeing a difference between us, I am forced to look further back into our long rivalry.

Let me take you back to the ... Maghull 5-a-side League. I can remember vividly collecting a fair few winners medals with The Fattys (Pearce? Gus?). Just remind me again of M.R.S's record?

And as for sparing 3 hours on a Sunday. I've was sparing three hours back when you were ... erm ... what were you doing back then? Are you even aware Parbold were in existence before 2004? By the time you showed up I'd secured promotion twice, Player of the Year twice, Goal of the Season, nay, DECADE, played over 100 games and scored in a major Cup Final.

Meekly accepting retirement??? I think everyone knows that the number of miles I've clocked up covering every blade of Alder Lane grass means that a short career was inevitable. I've battled through the pain barrier more times than Gus has had a hot dinner. OK, maybe not that many times, but certainly a fair few.

You may have noticed I haven't responded to having a pair of balls or being under the thumb. Read into that what you will.

And finally, just as soon as Liz gives me the OK, I'll be making my own short film.

Now if you'll excuse me, these dishes wont wash themselves......

[gallas]

Rimmer - nice to hear back from you. Don't tell me you managed to escape from your gimp outfit for a while and sneek onto the computer??

Anyways, its nice to know that some part of you is working......maybe not the knees, maybe not the bollocks but at least the good old memory is!

Fuck me....here he is again....same old saviour of Parbold. We know Paul we know....we're all eternally grateful that you alone have given us this platform in life! Just don't go on and on and on about it....gees!

As for the Maghull 5 a side league....well we really are scraping the bottom of the barrel here. You mention 2 names....its clear that you were once again, even if your younger, fitter (?) days, being carried in a team. By Pearce and Gus no less....oh dear! (No offence lads just tryin to make a point!)

As for the MRS....well yes we were sh*t, no arguments there. I'd like to see you play in a team with Roy "Red Boots" Coy and Tommy "Sand Wedge" Good and see how you get on! Im good Paul but not that good!

Oh and don't give it the biggun because you know quite well in one game we did very well and you got a dubious to say the least penalty to give you the victory! Even with our limitations, you were still lucky! Hey, maybe you didn't play in that game (surely you werent missing a game of footy?? : because if you had played, you would have wiped the floor with us right?

Since then however, I re-invented myself in the Thornton 5 a side league.....2 successive promotions as winners and 3rd in the Premier league in debut season with the Mainy. Not bad for an old fella - I mean I am a few years older than you yeah? And yet still going strong but you well....not so much! When was the last time you were a) allowed & b) able to do the 5 a side thing??? Hmmmmm a while me thinks.

I noticed your lack of response to the balls / under the thumb thing - I think you're right, the least said the better!

While your doing the dishes....Im gonna track Sergeant Barnes down and see if he wants to reform the MRS!