Big licks

[Esteban child of the sun]

Michael Pearce has got too go !! I am a big Parbold fan and i was disgusted at his behaviour at Liverpool's Albert Dock last Saturday night. Pearce (a poor man's don juan) was drinking greedy amounts and ran up a bar bill of £200. He was lewd, offensive and totally dis-respectful to the ladies. Weve all heard about him boasting lately getting sex and "hand jobs" every week so no wonder his football is suffering.

My good friend Statto has revealed that since November 27th, Parbold have played 10 games, notching up an impressive tally of 34 goals. Michael Pearce (who has started as a striker in all games) has replied with a pathetic 4 goals. He also has scored just once in seven games, that itself a fortunate and ugly goal. Jason Heeley on the other hand has scored 9 in only 7 and a half games.

I have tried my best too think of something good about Pearce, and the best I can come up with is that his old man "Stan" is a cracking fellow who supplys the team with their half time orange's (many people believe that Stan knows his son isnt good enough and he brings the refreshments as a bribe to gaffer Lupton).

[Oscar the friendly Demon]

Speaking on behalf of my confidant Michael Pearce:

"These scurrilous accusations are unfounded and must cease. My client and I spent a pleasurable Sunday afternoon and evening together and he was in fine (if slightly subdued) fettle. Pearce, as is his way, will answer his critics with goals and would like to point out that he got an impressive 9 out of 10 for his performance against Ashton Rovers in the Parbold Weekly Gazzette."

Finally, Dave Noble has a large anus.

[Son of Stan]

I say Pearce should stay, only because Stan was scaring the opponents (and the Parbold bench) last week with the flag!

And his half time oranges are beautiful!

In fact Pearce out, Stan in!